Punchy Girls Night

Last night a group of friends got together for girls night at Tiffanie's. I haven't been sleeping well as I've had too many worries and have felt overwhelmed by everything going on in my life. That morning I was running around helping someone move for several hours and then worked for a few more hours on school work. Needless to say by the time I arrived at girls night I was exhausted from my day and the incredibly long week. To sum up I was punchy.
When I'm really tired (and am punchy) I laugh and giggle about any and everything--often so much that I start to cry. Most of my laughs start out internal so I turn bright red because I can't breathe. Everyone around me is telling me to breathe, but that makes me laugh harder. It's even worse when I have something in my mouth I'm trying to swallow. Many of the girls got a kick out of me. It was a fun night and a much needed release for me. I haven't laughed like that in so long. I am so grateful for good friends and the opportunity to just be myself.

It has been an extremely stressful week with school assignments. I feel completely inadequate and lacking knowledge regarding our assignments. I am in a group with four other people. They all seem very aware of how to go about the assigned project, how to do the necessary research and write with strength and eloquence. I feel like I'm a stone in their shoes. I have felt quite discouraged and am doubting my decision to do this program. I have a lot of thinking and praying to do about this decision. I'm not a quitter when I really decide to do something, but I need to reassess what I'm doing.

I went to the doctor on Friday about my ear. I had been told by another ENT that I really should consider surgery on my ear because the hole in my eardrum is growing (and by quite a bit.) She sent me to a specialist and I was very anxious for this appointment as she indicated that I would have to have a lot of bone drilling and rearranging of bones etc. I remember how painful my last (the fourth surgery I have had on my ear) surgery was and was not looking forward to a fifth surgery.

This doctor completely put me at ease and made me feel like my worries had been unnecessary. We discussed the possibility of surgery and what he would do. It sounds like he will not need to do anything except a simple eardrum replacement (tympanoplastic surgery). He would not drill out any bones and rearrange things. He would have to go in behind the ear, but I already have a big scar there so I don't think that's a big deal. He believes that he can give me a 90% guarantee that it will work. It would help my hearing increase and of course it would mean that I wouldn't have to wear earplugs when I'm in water (that don't always work). I need a little time to consider it, but I am leaning towards doing it in January.